The Girl: Juliet, Julie, Jules. 27. 5'3". Proud Canadian and Toronto resident. University girl no longer, recent addition to the real world. Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. Owner of 1 blog, 1 website, and 1 fanlisting, which is enough for now. Insane. Honest. Loyal. Caring. Occasionally witty. Dreamer. Realist. Dork. Oxymoron. Walking contradiction. Addicted to Buffy, The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Our Lady Peace, Savage Garden, movies, various movie people, fanlistings, fanfiction, the Internet, and addictions. ( More? )
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Right now, I'm not doing anything in relation to what I'd planned to be doing at this time with regards to finding work.
It's like there's a horrible catch-22 at work here: I'm too unmotivated to do anything useful, and then because I haven't done anything useful, I feel guilty and unmotivated. Argh!
I think part of the reason for the lack of motivation in the first place is that I don't love the job I'm trying to get. I just feel like, if I was actually enthusiastic about my line of work, that'd be a bigger motivation, right? But I don't know what else to do since I would like to have a source of income sooner rather than later, and so really my best bet at getting gainful employment is in the field of accounting. Whoop-dee-doo.
Not that I'm not enjoying sitting around like a bum all day and talking to friends online, but really, I think if I stay in this bum state for too long I'll never get out of it, y'know what I mean? I'm a creature of habit, and if I get too used to just sitting around all day, to the point where I consider it normal and acceptable, then it'll be even harder for me to change.
Luckily I've got some friends and family who can provide support or advice [though sometimes wrt my parents, this 'advice' is unsolicited and unhelpful], but in order for this to work at all I have got to get myself out of this damned funk and GET GOING ALREADY. It's nobody's fault but my own.
Sigh. If I were being paid for whatever I'm doing/neglecting to do now, that would be PERFECT. I'm actually kind of enjoying unemployment except for the part where I'm a bum and the part where I have no income other than employment insurance, hahahaha why is this my life.
The end of all things (but, you know, much less dramatic and world-savingly important)
Good morning, world.
Today is my last ever day of work at my company - here endeth my first real full-time job, for which I was recruited right out of university. At this point, it just feels weird that I'm gonna go to work today for the last time and then never come back. I'm kinda sad, as I usually am when something ends (particularly when I'm not the one doing the ending), and kinda panicky, since I'm sure I'll forget to do something important before I go. Such is the nature of the worry attack. Egads, I have to give back my work laptop this afternoon, before the IT guys go home...
After that, though - I'm totally heading off tomorrow evening for a week at Disney! Huzzah! Hopefully that'll help clear my mind and provide some fun. The last time I was there my age was in the single digits...hope I find it just as magical now... Gonna go on the Pirates ride since I don't actual remember it from 20 years ago and try not to pass out from the heat. Yay! Hm, still need to get my packing sorted out...
I should stop using so many ellipsises. Ellipses? Yeah, ellipses. I should end my sentences/phrases/whatevers with a definitive full stop. Clearly need to work on that confidence thing and being more decisive. In terms of assertiveness, though, when it comes to driving during rush hour in Toronto, I SWEAR everyone else has gotten more aggressive and it isn't me becoming a less assertive driver. People, I have discovered, are nicer at 9am than they are at 8am. Well, 8:15. I'm usually running late. :)
Radio's been playing Michael Jackson songs since I woke up. Still not sure how I really feel about his death, but mostly I'm sad. RIP.
I'm exhausted. Just completely. Just got home around 8:30pm (it's a 1h30 commute each way, and, er, that takes into account that I basically consider speed limits as vague suggestions), been lying on the couch since then... I still have some important things to do for work tonight so hopefully I'll be able to do that....
I dunno, it's 9:15 now and I haven't eaten dinner yet mostly because I don't have the energy to get up off this couch. A shower will probably help wake me up a bit, so I guess I'll do that after LOST....
I was going to try to work on things during the show but I just can't. I don't even have time to write this, but screw that. I'm watching the damned show. It's on crack but I still love it.
Anyway, just feeling a bit WAAAAAH! right now, nothing major. Heh. This job is really too stressful -- maybe I should quit at some point. OH WAIT.
I'm at work, and I really don't want to be here -- but I have more reason for that than usual.
Yesterday I was informed that as of June 30, I am being laid-off from my job. Not for performance reasons, which I guess is good, but still...this wasn't the way I was planning to do things, really, especially with the UFE coming up in September (again). I don't think my exam training will be affected, but I'm double-checking that this week...
This is the first full-time job I've ever had, straight out of university, and I have worked my friggin' ass off. And for what? I can't say I haven't gotten anything out of the last 2 1/2 years, but right now it kind of feels like it's all for nothing.
Yeah, most other girls would think clothes would be good retail therapy, right? First place I went after I left the office yesterday around noon? The discount bookstore. Ha, what a nerd. But what, can you blame me? I'm never home in time to go there before it closes, on a normal day. And books (discount books!) do cheer me up. And they should cheer you up too.
Anyway, time to try to get something done, whether it's actual audit work or figuring out more of the details of my situation. Ugh. I really, really do not want to be here, and I'm pretty sure I've got valid reasons this time.
Last Thursday night, I had two different dreams as I slept, and in both dreams I'd somehow managed to pass the UFE (the third and final professional accounting exam, for anyone just joining us). Sadly, however, as I discovered on last Friday at noon, this was not meant to be. Again. But next year! By George, this exam is GOING DOWN. [Or it'd better, anyway...]
On the plus side, I didn't do nearly as pitifully as last time, but still...not doing as badly is not, of course, the same as actually passing. I don't have any Gandalfian "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" icons on this computer, but I think one of those would be appropriate here. ;P
The Christmas party on Saturday went well, I think -- no BNL for Susan to squee over this year, but we were suitably entertained and we didn't have to sludge through any snow or get pelleted by little slivers of ice on the way to the subway like we did last year, so win-win!
Speaking of dreams (well, two paragraphs ago, at any rate), I have no recollection now what I dreamt of last night [early this morning, more like] but whatever it was managed to wake me up and also made me cry. Weird. I wish I could remember what it was...
L'anyhoodle, that's it for now...I'm still at work and I've basically finished what I need to do today but I'm not off for another hour, so...time to look busy. :P
I had my condowarming on Saturday, and I think it went well? I'm a horrible hostess, though -- I was gonna take everyone up to see the 7th-floor terrace and party room, etc., and then I totally forgot. I also forgot about the wine bottle I had and the champagne bottle that one of my friends brought over, and I forgot about the frozen desserts I was supposed to serve. Balls.
Anyway other than my hostly shortcomings, I think everyone had a reasonable time at my new place. :) Today, I had so little energy left over now that it's over and done with and the adrenaline that kept me going over the past week (from the delivery of my furniture up to the condowarming) has dissipated somewhat.
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Almost everything that can be sorted out for my upcoming weekend trip to NYC with Moonal is sorted out now, which is good since we are leaving on Friday evening. Yay! Hopefully everything will turn out and we'll be able to do the things we're planning to do while we're there (if we have to end up seeing Dan Radcliffe's understudy in Equus instead of him on Saturday night, I think we're going to scream. Lol.)
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There may have been something else I wanted to post about, but I just looked at my work schedule and it looks like I'm gonna have to travel for 3 consecutive weeks in November. Yay? Man, they like to give senior accountants a substantial amount of work to do, and almost no time in which to do it...
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Back to work tomorrow. The thought makes me tired. Also, note the abovementioned lack of adrenaline and the fact that it's 1:00 in the morning. :)
It is now Week 3 of my 4-week exam study plan and the panic is sort of starting to set in (at the disco). I guess it's good that I have a one-on-one meeting first thing tomorrow morning with the guy who knows how this exam works...hopefully he will be helpful and let me know if I'm doing anything wrong... Man, this exam is annoying. Again. Bah! In more pleasant news, the Harry Potter forum on which I am a co-moderator, The Dark Mark, announced today that I won Staff Member of the Month for August! That completely made my day, gave me the warm fuzzies and all that. :D It's always great hearing that your efforts are appreciated. I don't normally win things like that because usually I either don't have enough time, or I prefer to just keep my involvement at a minimum. But since I became a moderator, I've felt it is my duty to help out when I can, and mostly it's been pretty fun. :D
Hopefully I'll still be able to do as well when I start going back to work... Yeah, that's another thing that's worrying - after the exam is over, we all have to go back to work. And this job - it's like every day is a new job, and every year it gets harder. I'm gonna be a Senior Accountant when I go back, which will definitely be new... More responsibilities, less time to do it in... yeah, I'm not looking forward to that at all. EDIT (09/02/08): Added the actual text of the post that caused the warm fuzzies. ;)
Am in Niagara Falls now - we've got 4 days of job training starting tomorrow. Drive here was all right, except for some brief spells of intense rain. Like, seriously.
Anyway, I've been in my hotel room (sharing with my friend Joanne) for about 15 minutes and already I've paid for the one-day unlimited wireless access. Mwahaha. $15/day, for god's sake. But I can expense it! Oh corporate culture. You are a strange, strange creature.
In other news, I, uh, bought a condo apartment today. !!! Yeah my offer was accepted so I got the unit I wanted in the building and location I wanted. Man, that means I really actually have to commit to this moving out on my own thing.... O_o Wish me luck... Not moving 'til after my exam this September, though, so that leaves you plenty of time to think of my housewarming gifts. ;)
Talk to you all soon - gonna explore a bit with Joanne. I believe I saw a sign for a Hershey chocolate store and a Marvel [Comics] Adventures store. I think I'll be all right here. :)
I was going to try to do a practice case tonight -- I have two that I need to do before my exam training session on Sunday, and I'm not going to have any time to do them between Wednesday and Saturday -- but I just couldn't muster up the energy to do so. I started reading the first case, but nothing was sinking in and I ended up going to sleep at 11pm. Now it's 1:30am and I'm awake again and actually considering looking at some other stuff for work, because my audit teammate is counting on me to help out with this and we need to know what we're doing before we discuss this with our manager tomorrow morning at some point. I tried looking at my case again once I woke up but I think they'll just have to wait and I'll have to do them both on Sunday morning if I can.
On the one hand, I should get back to sleep, but on the other hand... well, let's see if I can read a bit of this accounting guideline now and actually retain the information, so at least I won't have as much to read in the morning...
I'm sorry, readers; this isn't the most interesting post at all, really. I guess I'll have to regale you with more exciting tales once the next week or so is over.
I figure the best way to deal with not having enough time to do everything I have to do before tomorrow is to take a minute to write in my blog here. I feel it is the appropriate response to this situation, but I am open to counterarguments. The crapload of stuff I still need to do is .... well, a crapload. The list ain't gettin' any shorter...
Y'all down here in Texas certainly do say "y'all" a lot. If it weren't for, you know, the actual work that I have to do while I'm here, I'm sure I would consider Houston pleasant enough for the most part. Then again, without the work, I wouldn't BE here, so... double-edged sword?
I swear I really do have a good reason. And that reason, my friends, is work -- I only got home 20 minutes ago and I'm really quite tired. Without getting into the boring complex details, this particular audit engagement that I'm working on right now is taking more time than usual because the new first-year accountant on the job has done sub-par work and now the rest of us have to fix it all. I don't know, guys...some of his assigned work was more challenging than others, but I don't think I'd ever have messed this stuff up, if I was still a first-year, as much as he has. The rest of our team (2 of us plus our manager, who reviews all of our work) has had to actually re-do certain parts of his work, and some things we asked him to do specifically haven't been done [correctly]. Bah. Dudes, there was one day where he actually forgot to bring his laptop with him because he thought he had it in the trunk of his car. FORGOT. HIS LAPTOP. And he had to drive all the way back home from Hamilton to Mississauga to get it. Now, for those of you who do not have as intimate a knowledge of auditing as I have, this might not seem like such a big problem, right? Like, why not just write stuff down and type it up later? It just doesn't work that way. There are so many Excel and Word documents that have specific formulae or formatting that it is just not efficient at all to do most things by hand. This is mean, and this WAS this guy's first audit with our firm and all, but um...it's possible that he's what's referred to as PURE: previously-undetected recruiting error. See, I told you it was mean. He's a big talker and he's got an okay attitude (if you discount the fact that he doesn't actually listen to what we're telling him, anyway), but hopefully his audit and organizational skills will improve.
Anyway, there are a few things that I should have posted by now but none of it is mission-critical so those will have to come later -- actually, I think mostly it's just memes that I've said I'll do, because anything that ressembled thoughts/actual content I've kind of forgotten now. Darned short-term memory. :P
Going to see Daniel Handler (AKA Lemony Snicket) at his presentation/interview/book signing at Harbourfront on Saturday! I've never been to anything like that before so it should be interesting. I have successfully cajoled an unwitting companion to go with me. w00t.
In about 15 minutes, I have to take some potential work recruits (they're here today for interviews) to a nice lunch and tell them how much I loooooove working here. God help me. I'm exhausted today and I don't know why...maybe I'm just still recovering from getting back to work. Guess that last exam + the studying that preceded it took more out of me than I'd thought...
I suppose it would also help if I got more sleep, but, like, doesn't that seem like such a waste of valuable time when one has so few free hours in a day?
So I'm in the office today and tomorrow with approximately nothing I need to do, a phenomenon that I haven't experienced to date since I started working here. If we weren't busy doing client work, we always had CKE exam studying to fall back on and/or neglect to do. Now? Nothing. Our exam results will be out next week and now I'm going to go about forgetting about that entirely because I don't really want to think about it, thanks. Anyway, I basically spent this morning reading through parts of our company expense policy mostly because I'll be travelling to Connecticut this Saturday to Friday and there are things I need to know. Anyway, I could use these two days of down time -- somebody mentioned this thing called "sleep" that I should get better acquainted with. Except that I won't. Because I'll SAY I'm going to sleep, but then I'll do something else instead since I suddenly have more guiltless free time on my hands. Yay! I'm gonna try to enjoy it while it lasts. I'll probably have free time while I'm in Connecticut, too, but it'll likely be spent at my hotel there, in front of the television or book. I intend to read as much as possible, if I can help it. Depends how late we work every day.
Huh. I've written more than I intended to. Sometimes I just keep babbling on, and with no one here to stop me, I could go on forever. Except that I won't. Because I am lazy and because technically there are more productive uses for my time while I'm here.
And, um, as the antithesis of that thought, here are the first promotional images from Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End (everyone's been writing the title as "At World's End", but the writer specifically said that the title the people-in-charge have decided on does not have the apostrophe in it).
Who knew that you could feel incredibly bored and incredibly nervous at the same time?
I certainly didn't, until this week, anyway. Tomorrow is the day before my exam and that is terrifying. It would be really bad if I didn't pass the exam because everybody knows I'm writing it; you know? I have sacrificed a lot of holiday time to study this crap, and if even after all that (granted, there have been, as always, distractions, but that is not the point and I did try to be good), it doesn't pay off, it'll all have been for nothing, almost. Also, it doesn't help to have two accountants in my immediate family who think they are helping but in actuality are just making me feel worse. Everyone (family, friends) is telling me that I'll pass for sure, but I don't know where that certainty has come from. Mostly my fellow exam-writers know better; this isn't a sure thing for any of us, really, except the huge brainers.
So, to recap: very nervous, very bored, very tired. Arrgh. I am so watching a movie or seeing friends (assuming anyone's even around after the break is over) or something after this. Um, when I'm not at work, that is, 'cause we all have to go back to work the day after the exam. Boourns.
Arrgh, I don't have anything else to say. God I hate studying. I really miss having the time to properly lounge about with a good book and just read. Bah! 'Course, all this studying didn't stop me from reading stuff online during "study breaks" (which, I must admit, were more frequent than the actual studying on some days) and, um, rereading the end of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Other than that, though, I've tried to stay focused. It's nearly impossible for me, Juliet the Easily Distracted, but I haven't even played with my new Christmas gifts or anything even though I did assemble my Game of Life board and try out my DVDs to make sure they work!
Anyway, hope you all had a good New Year's and all that, and I really hope that this exam won't make me start off my year with a dismal disappointment.
Do I happen to have an mp3 of a song that you want? Check my list here and see if there's anything you need. Send me your e-mail address and state the song you want and I'll send the mp3 to you using YouSendIt.com, SendThisFile.com or SendSpace. :)
Music I need
There are the mp3s I'm looking for. If you have any of these and wouldn't mind sharing it with me, please use YouSendIt.com, SendThisFile.com or SendSpace to send it to me at verbatim119[at]gmail.com. Thanks much! :D
- none right now
Current Conditions
Right now, I am: feeling: reading: n/a. Last completed: City of Glass. working on: keeping optimistic listening to:LAUNCHcast Radio
loving: stories not liking: uncertainty anticipating: (chronological)
- Shutter Island
- Alice in Wonderland
- Deathly Hallows ( view complete list with dates )
Uppers and downers:
Ý new friends
Ý fiction
ßß the unknown
ßß lethargy
Most recent purchase(s):
eBay gift for a friend
Lesson #65: When you are running late or you are low on time, you will always be driving behind the slowest car possible.
Last download: Vampire Weekend albums
Last movie seen at a theater: The Princess Bride
Last movie seen on video/other: Starstruck
Quote of the moment:
"We were frightened of being left alone for the rest of our lives. Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26…we were of that disposition." — High Fidelity
Lyrics of the moment: I miss Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Oh God I miss that show
Misspelling/factual/grammatical error of the moment:
"Visitors Parking"
